


To Be Seen

by bluesuede



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec is gay, Crying, Domestic, Feelings, Fluff, Introspection, Men Crying, and proud to be so, happy crying tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 00:52:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesuede/pseuds/bluesuede
Summary: Well, the words “I’m gay.” took him by surprise.two words he himself had not been able to say for yearsor Alec watches the Love, Simon trailer





	To Be Seen

**Author's Note:**

> Ayo back at it again with another mediocre fic. I have had this idea in the back of my mind for a while and I felt like I needed it, and felt that others might need it too. I came out to my mom three days again, it went well but my feelings then are closely related to what Alec describes in this fic but also are related to his own in the show. Hopefully you guys don't think this is an abomination to fic writers everywhere. 
> 
> I really hope I did this justice as this movie, Love, Simon and the show, Shadowhunters, means an awful lot to me. Feel free to comment and let know your thoughts. Enjoy!

Magnus was in the kitchen fixing drinks when it came on, taking Alec by surprise. Well, the words

_“I’m gay.”_

took him by surprise. 

He had been watching tv waiting for his boyfriend to come back, watching a trailer for a movie that Izzy might be interested in when those two words, two words he himself had not been able to say for years, came through the speakers. Maybe this was a movie he would be more interested in than he had originally thought. 

Alec couldn’t keep his eyes off the screen from then on, watching this trailer for a movie and how could he have not known about this movie?

How could he have gone this long not knowing a movie like this was going to come out. A movie that he already found himself relating to more than any other movie he had watched. Alec couldn’t help but feel like that was him up there on that screen with Simon. Like there was a piece of him on that screen right now. Like his story was being told.

_“I’ve been thinking about why I haven’t come out yet. Maybe a part of me wants to hold on to who I’ve always been, just little longer.”_

And Alec had never been an emotional person but now his eyes were stinging with tears unshed. He felt that there was never a truer line spoken. Alec knew that feeling personally, was a close friend with that feeling. He had clawed at that feeling for years, begging it to stay. That if he didn’t ever tell anyone he was gay that he never have to deal with people seeing him as a totally new person. A person people didn’t like or respect. A gay man who liked men. That ship had sailed long ago but Alec could still remember that stifling fear.

The fear that one wrong move would be a tell. A stare that lasted a little too long. A sentence that could have been perceived the wrong way. All to be well liked and respected. 

But he was another man now. Stronger and smarter. The person he had always been sans the fear and the dishonesty and cowardice. The person he always knew he could be, deep down.

_“No matter what, announcing who you are to the world is pretty terrifying cause what if the world doesn’t like you.”_

Alec was crying now, tears rolling down his cheeks, a hand pressed to his mouth because he knew. He knew what that was like. He was pretty sure every LGBT+ kid knew. The overwhelming feeling that you wouldn’t be accepted. That those who you thought wouldn’t care, would. 

Walking down that aisle was one of the bravest things Alec felt he had ever done. But he had done it despite the insurmountable odds. Despite the looks everyone had thrown him walking towards a life that he had only dreamed of. He had done it.

He had done what he was scared of doing for years and he hadn’t lost it all. He was the Head of the Institute, his family had supported him, for the most part, and he had all done it finally honest with himself. By being true to himself. He could have never imagined it, but watching this trailer reminded him just how far he had come. Just how much he had grown. How much he had accomplished.

It was over now and Alec had been through a full range of emotions. He was still crying but also laughing. He was so happy. Happy to be represented. Happy to be seen. Happy to be heard. Happy to be loved. He was happy.

And as if on cue, that was when Magnus came walking into the living room. 

“I fixed you a- darling are you okay? What’s wrong?” Magnus rushed to sit next to Alec on the couch, face slightly blotchy and swollen, placing their drinks on the coffee table. 

“Nothing. I am just a major wimp who cried watching that trailer for the movie Love, Simon.” Alec laughed, letting Magnus take his face into his hands, wiping away the tears.

“Aw, angel. Are you okay? I seen that too and I won’t deny that my eyes stung a little also.” Magnus looked at Alec with adoration and a little exasperation knowing that he was okay even though tears were still spilling from his eyes.

“It’s just- teenage Alec would have died to see that he wasn’t alone growing up. That he wasn’t the only one who liked boys and was scared. I mean it just means so much to me. I am so glad that this is coming out and that so many young kids can see it and not feel how I felt. Alone. I can see myself in Simon and I know do many others do too.” Alec spoke slowly, thinking out loud.

“I can only imagine darling, growing up in that institute feeling all alone with your own thoughts and feelings. No one you could talk to about how you were feeling. Had to be tough.” Magnus arranged them so that Alec was now resting his head on Magnus’ shoulder, hair brushing against Magnus’ neck, giving only a hum in response. 

Alec didn’t talk about his own childhood much. Rather choosing to tell stories about Isabelle and Jace. But when he did, Magnus took all he could get.

“Do you want to see it when it comes out angel?”

“Definitely.” And there they sat, pressed closely together on the couch, taking in each other’s warmth. How far they had both come from were they had once been.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it.


End file.
